Predicting the Vice-Presidential Debate: Has the media become this predictable?

In a matter of hours will be the official Vice Presidential debate between JD Vance and Tim Walz. Here are my official predictions:

1. The media will say Walz won hands down; subsequently, they will say Vance is three grades lower than the devil. They might even make fun of his beard.

2. Question to Walz will begin with “how have you helped…”; questions to Vance will begin with “can you explain how you could hold such [racist, misogynist, homophobic, islamaphobic, white supremacist] views?”

3. When asking how the debate went, Kamala Harris will remind us that she grew up in a middle class household.

4. The media will “fact-check” Vance several times that will by tomorrow be fact-checked as bogus and they (the media) should simply just shut their cake holes.

5. Walz will say things such as “men can become pregnant” and the media will soon like damsels in a melodrama.

6. The results of the debate won’t change anybody’s mind, yet the media will say it’s the final nail in the coffin of the Trump/Vance campaign.

7. When asked about the disastrous flooding in the south, Kamala will remind us that she grew up in a middle class family in…[checks notes]…North Carolina.

8. The media will proclaim Walz to be the new face of masculinity.

9. Walz will claim he owns a gun, and the media won’t ask what caliber or nonsensical details like that. (If they do, Walz will probably say the ones that go “pew.” And gun owners across America will laugh and make memes in his name.

10. The media will express true surprise and bewilderment at the fact that most of middle America doesn’t believe a stinking word they say.

11. I will be in front of another tv, blissfully watching The X-Files.

12. Tonight will be yet another contribution to the parody that the media has become.